I emphasize greatly that I do not intend to romanticize my experiences
while keeping true to my communism and being on probation. It was not a
romantic existence being in sort of an involuntary political vacuum and
underground. During this time, my political work was severely limited. I
did not partake in rallies, forums, strikes, etc. Unfortunately I had to
eventually internalize that the best way to fight against the system was
to survive probation. Every day for nine years was excruciating hell for
me, my comrades, and my family.
My letters from jail, prison, and the “outs” are full of such
depression, melancholy, outright anger, and all sorts of ambivalent
emotions. Obviously a lot of more people have it worse than me, but for
those nine years I could only do my time. Even during probation, jail,
and prison; at the best of my circumstances (almost at the cost of my
life, friends, and family) I was very devoted and very biased in favor
of supporting struggles of working-people, People of Color, the poor and
the lumpenproletariat.
My only contribution and commitment to the movement came to only keeping
notes on the Prison-Industrial Complex, keeping up with contemporary
news, and reading up on Marxist Theory, and History.
For better or worse, my socialist credo kept me clear of reoffending. I
have been a communist since 2004 when I joined a revolutionary youth
group and later its parent group. I, with another comrade, was elected
to represent our respective departments in the student senate. I was
also in other activist groups on and off campus. At the age of 24 I plea
bargained to guilty without a jury trial to using the computer to
facilitate a child sex crime.
Right away after being charged, my face was all over the news. I
voluntarily left the party and discontinued as a student senator.
Amongst radicals and communists, it is not easy to be convincing that it
was a sting operation and there was no victim. Some feminists would
argue I was being reactionary, misogynistic, and anti-communist due to
my actions.
I served a total of nine years probation. I was originally given three
years and 90-days on an ankle monitor. Because I made some minor
infractions of probation rules, I was incarcerated from 2008-2010. I did
not offend, but served time in jail off and on for minor probation
occurrences.
In Wisconsin, when a sex offender is on probation, every move one makes,
mental and physical is under a microscope by the Wisconsin Department of
Corrections (WIDOC). I had to see my probation officer once a week. I
had to respond to questions such as “If I have been around minors”, “If
I have taken drugs or alcohol”, “If I was around parks, schools, or
where minors typically frequent”, “If I had sex with a member of my peer
group.” etc. She did not ask these questions every week, but it was
disciplined into me that I would have to automatically bring anything up
that the WIDOC needed to hear. They would even make me keep a
masturbation log and record what I fantasized to. I was also polygraphed
8 times to see if I was telling the truth. For most of my probation, I
could not use a computer, cellphone, or internet. This made it hard to
finish my history degree without a use of computer.
I had a fine network of friends and family to help me through it.
Dating, networking, keeping up with news, was very hard without a 21st
century device. For one instance, I had to finish my senior thesis on
Sri Lankan communism on a typewriter and have a colleague type it up on
a computer! I was not the model probationer. Due to my arrogance,
naiveté, belief that I was wronged, I was revoked once and jailed many
times. I was put on a probation hold for a number of occasions. Being
revoked does not mean I reoffended with another crime. Revoked means I
did not follow probation rules and I had to be incarcerated. This means
losing one’s “street time” and doing probation all over again. I was
revoked for two years and had to do five years of probation.
One cannot have sex, a sexual relationship, however defined, without DOC
approval. The chances of finding someone, being okay with my crime, and
willing to meet with the probation officer is very slim. I defined this
as a “state-issued girlfriend.” I did not have this luxury during
probation. Many sex-deviants do not want to date due to the extremely
strenuous circumstances with the WIDOC.
But within the duration of my nine years, I did a lot of reading up on
deviance, sexuality, the bourgeois notion of family, and Marxism. I hope
my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors give one a clue on how ridiculous
Americans overact towards sex offenders. I realize how such a sensitive
topic sex offenders is dealt with in academia and so reactionary it is
dealt with in the mainstream press. I only know that a better way is
needed to treat sex-deviants and non-sex deviants alike need be done
with facts and figures rather than sex-steria. I kept to my socialist
ideas, no matter how one thinks I compromised them, destroyed them, or
foolishly kept them. My exuberant sense of humor, zealous optimism
(challenged at many degrees), stubbornness, knowing the system, kept me
going. It takes a lot through treatment, conversations with PO, in jail,
probation, prison, to keep true to my politics.
I, like every human on the planet, am a product and by-product of my
societal surroundings. This is where we get social cues, clues, habits,
thought processes, and where we get our class from. I read up on
different countries (primarily Stalinist countries) and how they have
dealt with the concept of deviance. I primarily read up on the German
Democratic Republic (East Germany), popular justice in the People’s
Republic of China (pre-1980), the Soviet Union, and Cuba. I kept up on
theory with Merton, Quinney, and other ex-convict criminologist mentors.
I continued to read up on contemporary and historic happenings and sent
for radical bookstores for socialist newspapers. I took notes and worked
on writings on a contemporary communist position of the revolutionary
role of the lumpen. I put together some notes for a manifesto of “Dragon
Battalions” made out of class-conscious criminals and social-deviants.
I also had to participate in Sex Offender Treatment (SOT) run by a
so-called “law and order conservative.” To me, it is part self-criticism
session and part Catholic confessions. I did not disclose myself in SOT
or in probation as a communist. I would not be on the outs if I did. At
one point, since treatment did not know why I was failing polygraphs,
they called me the “most dangerous man in [XX] County.” I had to attend
several different SOT groups due to my unequivocal nature of probation.
I also tried to start up a socialist prisoner group called “Samizdat:
Socialist Prisoners Project.” The SSPP was designed to send radical
literature to prisoners and be a more direct movement. Because of my
arrogance I snuck through a couple months without the WIDOC knowing of
the SSPP. I ended it as soon as I was banned from computer use. Upon the
closing of SSPP, the WIDOC still did not know of it. Due to a bit of
arrogance and indifference, I listened to Radio Havana Cuba (RHC) on a
shortwave radio. I even wrote to the radio station, heard my letter read
on the air and received parcels from RHC. I also wrote the Democratic
People’s Republic of Korea (north Korea) and received some books. Who
knows if the WIDOC found out, what state of affairs I would be in?
The boogeyman of the sex offender is a product of the contradiction of
the ultra-sexualized, ultra-puritan, police state
standard-operating-procedure of the USA. I do believe sexual abuse is
harmful; I am against rape, as well as the societal cannons of
chauvinism, sexism, racism, bigotry, misogyny – all stemming from
capitalism.
I am still serving a life sentence due to be stigmatization and even
registered for another ten years. The WIDOC knows my email, where I
live, my phone number, my Facebook accounts, and the car I drive. I have
to disclose my crime to possible future employers. I have to disclose my
past to future relationships. While on probation I made a small service
to the revolutionary cause. I wrote hundreds of poems, and published
four books.
Without the use of a computer, I finished my degree in History and
Sociology. I co-authored a paper about the life of a sex offender
partaking in college. I was inspired to be a convict criminologist
researching and observing so-called criminal deviant acts from the view
of the incarcerated and recently incarcerated persons.
I am currently writing a political memoir of my experiences of
treatment, jail, prison, and probation. I am now in many leftist
organizations including SSPP and my past socialist group. I am working
towards a Masters in Criminology and for workings of a formation of the
freedom armies of tomorrow. I am currently occupied in the solidarity
front of the
Wisconsin
Dying to Live hunger strikes. Mentally, I am left paranoid, colder,
distressed, with social-effective disorder, schizotypal personality
disorder, anxiety, depression, scared, and insecure of forming close
relationships and doing some political work.
MIM(Prisons) responds: This comrade does a good job describing
the difficulties that face former-prisoners on the streets. In the case
of someone labeled a sexual deviant there are even more challenges.
These difficulties face all parolees and require a strength of persynal
conviction as well as social support to overcome. This is why we are
building our release support program preparing our comrades years before
they get out. And why we emphasize setting up structures on the outside
that will lead to a sustainable life. This will make it much more likely
that folks can stay politically active on the streets.
We want to clarify that we agree with this writer’s implication that it
is society that conditions people to be “sexual deviants,” and in fact
creates a hyper-sexualized culture and then condemns people who respond
to it with arousal. We recognize the power differential between adults
and youth, just like that between wealthy and poor, or male and female,
as something that creates an inherent inequality in a relationship and a
power dynamic that makes full consent to sex impossible. Because of this
we agree with the line that says all sex is rape. There is no perfect
sex as long as the system of patriarchy exists. Because of this we don’t
put sex offenders in some special group more condemned than those who
steal from the people, deal drugs to the people, or kill people. Instead
we are clear that any action that harms other people by using power over
them is unacceptable. But we do not recognize the Amerikan criminal
injustice system as an authority to judge people’s crimes. The people
running this system are the biggest murderers, thieves, rapists and drug
dealers in the world. Only when we have eliminated imperialism and
established a dictatorship of the proletariat will we be able to mete
out justice for the people by the people, and help those who really did
commit crimes against the people reform to become productive members of
society.